I am uncertain as I write this, ’cause I don’t know if words would even come out. I do not know if I have the strength to define what this season means to me. But I will try.

Two nights ago, I listened to ‘Christ be Magnified’ by Cody Carnes.

And if it puts me in the fire,

I’ll rejoice ’cause You’re there too

I won’t be formed by feelings,

I hold fast to what is true

If the cross brings transformation then I’ll be crucified with You

And if I join You in Your suffering,

then I’ll join You when You rise

And when You return in glory with all the angels and the saints

My heart will still be singing, my song will be the same

As I write this, all I could think of is Your grace.

Your forgiveness.

Your pursuing love.

Your sincere and gentle response when I fall short.

Your blood that is sufficient.

Your word as my source of truth.

Your presence as my battle station.

Never earned it.

Never had to strive for it.

Never had to be scared if I’d lose it.

Lord, how could I be so loved like this and how do You remember every detail so well?

This season, I’m making a vow to remember Your nature when the world presents to me my tainted nature.

This season, I will sit at your feet and find rest.

This season, I will worship.

Weary or strong, able or not — my heart will still be singing, my song will be the same

Today, my words fall short, but let King David’s song in Psalm 139 articulate what my heart feels:

Lord, you know everything there is to know about me.

You perceive every movement of my heart and soul,

and you understand my every thought before it even enters my mind.

You are so intimately aware of me, Lord.

You read my heart like an open book

and you know all the words I’m about to speak

before I even start a sentence!

You know every step I will take before my journey even begins.

You’ve gone into my future to prepare the way,

and in kindness you follow behind me

to spare me from the harm of my past.

You have laid your hand on me!

Wherever I go, your hand will guide me;

your strength will empower me.

It’s impossible to disappear from you

or to ask the darkness to hide me,

for your presence is everywhere,

bringing light into my night.

I can count on you even in this season. Especially in this season.

All my heart, have it all.