To say the first half of 2020 has been cool and fine would be an unacceptable statement for many. it was a rattling season for most of us — to put it kindly, so many shifts and shake-ups here and there, and the struggle to remain brave and grounded necessitates a lot of surrender.
it is only in this strange time that i realized that it’s in the valleys that we become truly planted and rooted. it’s in the middle seasons that God does His shaping work — in seasons that feel old and routines that feel uninspiring, the Lord tells me to stop complaining, and start sitting at His feet and rest in His presence.
here’s a confession: i used to be so obsessed with work and getting things done. there are also days where i feel compelled to let others know how hard I’ve worked.
full schedules, sleepless nights, backbreaking stress — these to me were secret badges of honor. i hated being tied to them, but i also do not know how to disassociate myself from them.
what changed with how I view work and how I work is finding my security and worth in Christ alone. it is amazing, because when we work from a standpoint of grace — knowing that we do not have to labor to prove who we are, but that we can work with the overflow of what we have been given — we have even more energy to work harder, and we become even more fruitful, because the Lord grows everything He’s put in our hands to do.
this is the time i learned that rest is also an expression of faith.
i no longer find the need to work to prove who I am. i want the work I put in this lifetime to reveal, in every way, that I am God’s — loved by Him, as I both labor and rest. always.
life looks different this season but we do not have to despise it.
He still moves.
He still builds.
He still refines.
this season i have come to a freeing yet wrecking revelation that what i say about my life and circumstance is not the final plan of God. the odds of unfamiliarity weighs a thousand lifetimes, especially when you are gracing through adulthood or navigating a pandemic. i am slowly learning to fully trust the nature of God believing that He will never let me step into grounds He has not planned out.
there is so much wisdom that comes with unlearning — of finding peace by knowing less, of cultivating a strength rooted in rest and dependence on Christ, not hardness.
today i came across these words in my journal,
A crucified life is a moment by moment surrender.
and so here i am: finding myself armed with more and more reasons to surrender and love patiently — despite all the tempting lures to be otherwise.
this season I have come to terms with the fact that there is no map to fully understand Grief, Sorrow, or Pain.
but there is a map that leads to Home.
It still feels like it’s only yesterday that i found my way back Home.
whenever i am reminded of what i’ve been redeemed from and transformed into, i feel so compelled to celebrate the overwhelming grace of such a loving Father, dearest Friend..a kind, gracious Companion.
9 years have taught me that every breath is borrowed, my identity is received not chosen, and Christ is my only good.
there were seasons of longing, rush and discontent, where I insisted to drive my own life, but the Lord took me out from the driver’s seat and saved me from trouble.
before i even fall further in my self-made rabbithole of disquiet and guilt,
He rescued me.
and so this i can confidently say — there is hope even when the dark feels dense. when it feels like there is no resolve, i am reminded that Christ is the Author and Finisher of my faith. hope abounds not because i do not lose or there isn’t grief — i do and there is. but there is something more amidst all of it: grace, joy, and peace that surpasses all understanding.
I write this as a witness, that His love and grace are sufficient — sufficient for the days, hours, years and moments. it doesn’t miss a spot.
The worst dark has now been rendered useless at the Cross. I know the One whom i am running toward and alongside, and with Him I will finish strong.
Onward, til Kingdom come.
